Intelligence is a curse
by FiveFootAngel
Summary: it's yaoi people for a very understated couple...itachisasori written as a challenge. Other pairings include deisasori so read and enjoy
1. Chapter 1

I own nothing, if I owned Naruto there would be hot yaoi sasu/gaa action lol and sasori wouldn't dieeee ZOMG GOD SPOILER...anywho yeah i own nothing and never will. Beware OCCNESS and again this is yaoi or boyxboy love so if this offends you don't read it...enjoy the fic

"Sasori-danna? Sasori-danna?….SASORI-DANNA!?" Sasori dropped the vial he was holding and let out a string of curse words that could rival Hidan.

"What the hell Deidara I'm right next to you so don't fucking shout." He snapped mopping up the green liquid which was currently burning a hole in the floor. Sasori rolled his eyes at the thought of explaining to Sir Leader about the random hole which needed fixing…again. There was a pause. "What did you want Deidara?" He sighed rubbing his temples. Deidara looked completely blank.

"What? Oh umm I can't remember sorry Danna yeah." He giggled and went back to his magazine. Sasori grit his teeth. Why was everyone in this godforsaken dump so bloody stupid?

Uchiha Itachi had come to the conclusion that everyone in The Akatsuki apart from him had the IQ level of a woodlouse at best.

"So then his arm was like booooooooom!!! And the guy was like Holy crap!! And I was laughing my ass of and…Heeeeeyyyyy Itachi you're not listening!" Kisame groaned nudging Itachi who was currently staring at a deceased arachnid in the corner of the wall…hey it beat listening to Kisame talk about 'some dude that he killed' . "For someone who's meant to be a genius you sure do have a short attention span…" Kisame said evidently hurt at his partner's clear lack of interest towards…everything really. Itachi stood up and walked off muttering something about '72 hours of torture…' Kisame shrugged.

"SEX!" Sasori looked up from his book and adjusted his reading glasses.

"What now Deidara?" He said exasperated. He'd managed to have at least a good ten minutes quiet reading time and now Deidara was screwing it up…again.

"Well that's what everyone's doing isn't it danna? It's what makes the world go round right yeah?" Sasori raised an eyebrow.

"Where do you get this crap from Deidara?" Deidara smirked.

"Ahhh danna is sex a hard subject for you to talk about yeah?" He said patronisingly, "Are you a virgin danna yeah?" Sasori fumed, how dare he that little….he shouldn't rise to the bait…it was just Deidara….Deidara speaks crap he shouldn't listen to Deidara. "Aww danna are you a shy little virgin yeah?" Sasori stood up angrily.

"How dare you." He hissed, Deidara shrank back.

"S-s-sorry Sasori- danna yeah.." He stammered, "I…I …I didn't mean to upset you yeah.." Sasori huffed.

"Whatever now can I please read my book? I'd like to get past at least the next 12 pages without being disrupted." There was a pause. "So Deidara, why the hell were you talking about sex?" Deidara grinned.

"Because I wanted to know if you knew who here was….you know yeah?" He giggled, Sasori stared at him.

"Know what?" He said confused.

"Youu knnnnoooowww…" Deidara said grinning.

"No enlighten me." Sasori deadpanned, Deidara made a hand gesture. Sasori stared at Deidara appalled.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING?!" He shouted.

"Well like people can't function without sex yeah, so I was wondering which people were you know doing it with their partner yeah?" Sasori grimaced.

"Akatsuki isn't a sex club Deidara, people don't do THAT with their partners. It's well….." Sasori thought about all the different members, there was Hidan and Kakuzu….ugh the zombie twins doing the monster mash made the puppeteer want to vomit, Zetsu and well Tobi hung around with him….Zetsu was a cannibal so just no….Kisame and Itachi…now that was just plain wrong.

"Well what danna yeah?" Sasori was jogged out of his musings by Deidara.

"Uh well it's wrong.." Sasori said highly uncomfortable about the whole situation.

"You went awfully quiet danna yeah…where you thinking of hot Akatsuki yaoi yeah?" Deidara said 'innocently'

"SHUT THE HELL UP YOU WANNABE PROSTITUTE!!!" Sasori screamed before, after a few minutes of silence returned to his book. They had a two day mission coming up soon. Sasori shuddered, 72 hours of endless chatter….72 hours of torture….

Dun duuunnn how was that for a first chapter? Hope you liked it cos there be more to come...btw readers there be lovely purple button with review on it...press it please lol ciao


	2. Chapter 2: Complications

I own nothing, if I owned Naruto there would be hot yaoi sasu/gaa action lol and sasori wouldn't dieeee ZOMG GOD SPOILER...anywho yeah i own nothing and never will. Beware OCCNESS and again this is yaoi or boyxboy love so if this offends you don't read it...enjoy the fic

I own nothing, if I owned Naruto there would be hot yaoi sasu/gaa action lol and sasori wouldn't dieeee ZOMG GOD SPOILER...anywho yeah i own nothing and never will. Beware OCCNESS and again this is yaoi or boyxboy love so if this offends you don't read it...enjoy the fic

"Why is everyone here so idiotic?" Itachi grumbled munching on a nutella covered piece of toast.

"Hey that's not fair I know I'm not the sharpest sword in the basket but I'm not retarded." Itachi snorted and Kisame fumed. "What about ummm Kakuzu?"

"He's an idiotic skinflint who's too stingy for his own good." Itachi said boredly, Kisame frowned.

"Ok Hidan's quite clever.."

"Yeah clever for a crazed immortal zealot." Itachi muttered, Kisame sighed Itachi could be so frustrating.

"Ok uhh Zetsu?" He said hopefully.

"He talks to himself and eats anything that moves….if you think that's intelligent then I might bother to worry about you Kisame," Itachi said inspecting his fingernails.

"Tobi?" Kisame said thinking of the masked ninja.

"I'm not dignifying that with an answer Kisame." Itachi deadpanned. Kisame growled.

"What about Deidara?" Itachi's mouth twitched upwards into a ghost of a smile.

"Again I'm not dignifying that ridiculous statement with an answer." There was a moment of silence Kisame smirked.

"Ok how about Sasori?" Itachi frowned and there was silence.

"He's…well….he's …." Kisame grinned.

"Well Itachi?" Itachi sighed.

"Ok he's not as stupid as everyone else here but he's still annoying."

"Annoying is different to stupid Itachi-san." Kisame said laughing.

"Shut up Kisame." Itachi muttered.

"Danna? Danna?" Sasori turned over to see his partner sitting on his bed shaking him.

"Brat? It's two in the morning what do you want?" He said exasperated, Deidara sniffed. Sasori squinted through the darkness to see Deidara's face, distorted with tears streaming down his face. Sasori frowned.

"Brat what's happened?" As much as he hated to admit it he did care slightly about Deidara's feelings...only because it affected him, well that's what he told himself.

"I had a nightmare." He sobbed, "it was awful danna, he was there." Ah the famous _'he'_ Deidara had mentioned the famous _'he'_ a few times but refused to actually talk any further about the mysterious man.

"I see, um there there?" Sasori said hopelessly. Deidara exhaled deeply.

"I don't think I can go to sleep again Danna...unless..." He trailed off, Sasori rolled his eyes.

"Unless what brat?" Deidara fiddled with his fingers.

"Unless...well...um Danna can I sleep in your bed tonight?" Sasori's eyes widened, did he hear right?

"Br-Deidara, I don't think that's a good idea," He sighed "I don't want to complicate things between us." Deidara pouted.

"Danna, I promise things won't get weird besides we'll only be sleeping next to each other," Sasori felt a hand on his knee Deidara smiled "if that's what you want anyway Danna." All Sasori could do was stare as the younger man lay down in his bed pulling him down too before snuggling into his arms. It would be a long night.

Ahaa the plot THICKENS review and I'll update hope ya'll enjoy the story dedicated this chap to my lil sis


	3. Chapter 3: Blindness

Here is yet another update you'll see some new pairings shaping up I already have a chunk of this written out and here is the last bit. I'll repeat myself yet again and say i don't own Naruto, or any characters associated with it, i do however own an adorable Gaara key ring...and a muffin this chap goes out to my friendy Maia

warning: OOCness between S ranked criminals don't like don't read

also means thinking

Sasori never slept yet sometimes during a long night his mind would wonder off into extended daydreams and he would be dead to the world. Tonight he was thinking of a new puppet, possibly a girl, long hair...maybe brown...dark eyes, a impassive smile painted onto her features. Smiling to himself Sasori continued to fathom new ideas, fantasies that was until he looked over to see a wet slimey...tongue?! Sasori's eyes displayed what could be interpretated simply as _what the fuck? _How long had that... been licking his shoulder?

"What the fuck are you doing Deidara?" He hissed, Deidara looked at him sleepily.

"Wha-?" Sasori glared at him.

"Don't 'wha' me you brat what the fuck was your hand doing licking my shoulder!?" Deidara blushed.

"Sometimes they stuff that I can't control," Deidara lifted his left hand up to his ear. There was a pause, Deidara giggled.

"What the hell is wrong now?!" Sasori said annoyed.

"He says you taste yummy..." There was a pause and without any sign of warning Deidara forced his lips onto Sasori's. Sasori stayed still contemplating what to do about the current sitaution.

"Get off me!" He shoved Deidara off him with more force than he intended.

"But..I thought..." Deidara began.

"You thought wrong!" Sasori snapped climbing out off bed.

"Danna I'm sorry." Deidara stuttered, Sasori merely said nothing before walking out of the room.

Uchiha Itachi also never slept. But that wasn't because he was granted the luxury of _'no human weaknesses' _as Sasori would have said, he couldn't. Itachi never much liked lying still in the dark for hours, he knew Kisame didn't like him sitting alone all night so Itachi would oblige Kisame with his presence every night. The two would lie together, Itachi in Kisame's strong arms until the older man fell asleep. As soon as his lover's eyes shut Itachi would leave their room to be alone, which was how he enjoyed it. Kisame was clingy. Itachi had realised that the older man cared deeply for him but still after years of working and sleeping with the man Itachi was skeptical to whether he returned Kisame's strong feelings. He let out a sigh, before standing up intending to leave the room. _'I...I can't see...'_ He exhaled shakily, he couldn't see anything, there was just black. They're weren't even shapes or blurs, just black.

"Damn.." He growled, stretching his arms out to see if he could feel his way out of the room. The great Uchiha Itachi reduced to this.

"Pathetic." Itachi turned around in the direction where the smooth voice was coming from.

"Sasori." He muttered he could tell the shorter man was smirking.

"The great Uchiha Itachi has resorted to feeling his way around a dark room?" Sasori laughed. "And to think about how many other members tread on egg shells around you...what do you think they would say if they could see you now?" Itachi grit his teeth.

"Do you take pleasure in mocking those you know you could never surpass?" There was a silence. He heard Sasori leave the room. Itachi sighed, his head was spinning, slowly the darkness began to fade, shapes and blurs took form it was a relief for Itachi, but this could not carry on, his sight was slowly going, it was worse on some days he'd be fine then his vision would disappear completely. This couldn't go on...he needed help.

DUN DUN DUUUUNNN review and I'll continue sorry it's short


	4. Chapter 4: Conversations by yourself

Sadly don't own Naruto or any characters affiliated with it ;; i do own an Edward Elric plushie...ooops wrong anime ; thi schapter goes out to Dass, hope you're having fun on holiday :)

a note: sorry if the layout looks a bit funny my computers being an ass

another note: OCC BEHAVIOUR WARRNNINNGGG

yet another note: GaaraxSasu owns my soul... so nyah enjoy the fic ;

Hoshikagi Kisame awoke yet again to find an empty bed. "Itachi?" He called out into the darkness, there was no reply. "Itachi?" He said again.

"He's in the main room." A calm voice said. Kisame frowned.

"Sasori what are you doing listening into somebody else's coversation?" He heard Sasori laugh.

"You're having a conversation with yourself? No I wasn't 'listening in' the door's open," Sasori gestured to the doot which was currently wide open. Kisame frowned, he hated the puppeter's arrogance, his idea that he was above the other members in Akatsuki.

"Whatever why and how do you know where Itachi is?" Sasori smirked.

"Aw does Kisame care for Itachi? Does he love Itachi?" Kisame growled.

"And you don't care about Deidara." Sasori sighed creating a sense of frustration with the 'shark's' pathetic attitude.

"What will you do if Itachi dies in battle Kisame?" Kisame stiffened, he wouldn't lie the idea had crossed his mind before but he didn't want to even acknowlage the possiblity of that happening.

"Itachi...Itachi won't die." He smirked believing he'd outwitted the arrogant puppeteer, "besides you didn't answer my question, do you care about Deidara?" Sasori seemed to ponder this for a split second before tonelessly saying.

"A blind shinobi is of no use to us." And with that he turned away from Kisame and began to walk away. He'd barely gotten out of the door when Kisame's inhuman strength griabbed his arm. Sasori calmly stood there.

"Let go Kisame." He said with no emotion, Kisame's grip on his arm tightened, "I can't feel that Kisame, I thought you knew that." Kisame let out a low growl.

"If you dare say _anything _about Itachi's sight, I will fucking rip your head off." Sasori looked up at the larger man a look of mocking pity on his face.

"Of course you will Kisame," He wriggled free of Kisame's grip, "just remember what I said, no shinobi excluding myself and Hidan of course," he smirked in self satisfaction "is immortal, even your precious Itachi." Kisame glared at the older man's departing back, he truly _hated _Akasuna no Sasori. He hated everything about him, his smug attitude...his goddamn smartass attitude, Kisame smiled at the idea of shredding the puppeteer until there was nothing left, he sighed "God I sound like Kakuzu."

Deidara was not having a good night. Ever since his Danna had left he'd felt terrible. "All I wanted to do was tell Danna how I felt," He sniffed, "but I didn't do it right."

"Stop feeling sorry for yourself Brat." A familiar voice said, Deidara turned around to see Sasori leaning against the door frame an odd expression on his face.

"Danna...I'm sorry." Deidara mumbled looking at the floor guiltily. Sasori sighed and sat on the bed next to his currently miserable partner.

"Br- I mean Deidara, it's okay just..don't let it happen again." He said firmly, Deidara sniffed and nodded, he lifted his left hand to his ear, he laughed weakly.

"He says it won't happen again." Sasori twitched.

"Do those things really talk to you Deidara?" Deidara frowned slightly.

"Yes they do Danna and they are **not** things!" He smirked, "If you could hear the things they say about you Danna." Sasori squirmed the idea that Deidara's **hands** were talking about him made him feel very uncomfortable.

"All good I hope.." He said trying to mask the sense of awkwardness he felt. Deidara giggled mischievously.

"Oh yes Danna they say nice things about you." Sasori winced, not wanting to know what the blonde meant by 'nice' things. There was silence, Deidara tittered. "Aww I've made Danna uncomfortable!" He held up his hands infront of his face, "You've been very naughty!! Making Danna uncomfortable." Sasori gawped at the blonde.

"Bra-" Before he could say anything Deidara jumped on top of him giggling.

"My Danna is sooooo wonderful!!" Sasori groaned and allowed the blonde to glomp him, after all he kinda liked the simpleton.

"Kisame get off me." Itachi said tonelessly while pushing the larger man off him. Kisame sighed, hurt.

"I was worried Itachi that's all." Itachi rolled his eyes.

"I'm fine Kisame." He was lying through his teeth but Itachi could not stand the idea of the older man fussing over him.

"I want to chop that smug bastard's arms off." Kisame growled. Itachi frowned, confused.

"Who? That's very unlike you to say something like that Kisame, I thought you were above comments like that." Kisame sighed.

"Akasuna no Sasori deserves it. He can't treat everyone around him like dirt all the time!" Itachi huffed.

"Shut up Kisame I don't CARE about Sasori as long as he doesn't say anything to Leader-Sama." Kisame laughed.

"Don't worry Itachi I'll make sure he doesn't."

DUN DUN DUN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've made Sasori all assholey...oh well...he's a buff one besides he's not all sweetness and lovelyness (O.o sp) in the manga or anime so shammmeee

WHAT WILL HAPPEN??!

WILL DEIDARA GET THE LOVE OF HIS SASORI NO DANNA??!

WILL SASORI GET SHREDDED BY KISAME??!

WILL TOBI AND ZETSU DESTROY THE RING OF POWER??!

WILL I EVER UPDATE??!

all will be revealed...maybe


	5. Chapter 5: I know you are but what am I?

Hello Guten Tag, Bonjour and Buenos Dias lovely readers it's been a while sorry. Here is an update and also a song to set the mood while you read this work of fiction note: I do not own Naruto or any characters associated with it, or LOTR or Narnia and i do not own 'Stop' by Sam Brown sung by Jamelia . I own the plot though ;p oh yeah and **bold font** means Zetsu's black or scary half is talking

chapter dedication: Dassy (again sorry) my fave Jewish princess who without I wouldn't have bothered writing this fic enjoy

Somewhere in Mordor (sp?) Tobi is hanging from a crumbling edge which hangs dangerously over a very active and scary looking volcano, Zetsu is standing over him.

"Give me your hand!" Tobi screams, Zetsu smirks,

"First give me the ring!"

"Arrrggghhh!!"

ahem here's the real story

Deidara smiled happily to himself as his right hand regurtitated some clay in the form of a little spider. "Aww well done Righty-san." He giggled, then held up his left hand to his ear. "Oh sorry Lefty-san are you hungry?" he nodded and fed the hand mouth some wet sticky clay. He was currently sitting on the floor of the Akatsuki training grounds. He heard footsteps behind him, Deidara turned around a friendly grin plastered on his face. "Oh hi Kisame-san," He waved Kisame stared at him stonily "Kisame-san are you ok?" Kisame said nothing and in a flash he cut Deidara's arm clean off! "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Deidara screamed and promptly began running around in circles clutching his left arm to his chest. "Lefty-san!!" Kisame smirked.

"That'll teach that puppet to mess around. Deidara stared at Kisame wide eyed.

"Wha- what did Sasori no Danna do?" He stuttered, Kisame grinned sadistically.

"Never you mind." And with that he walked off.

"Wait!! What the fuck? You come back here you bastard!!!!" Deidara screamed at the top of his lungs, he stared at the bloody stump where his left arm had been, what was he gonna do? "DAAAAANNNNNNAAAAA!! DANNA!!! SASORI NO DANNA!!!! HELP!!!! SOMEBODY HELP ME!!" He shouted at the top of his lungs.

Hidan looked up from his cards. "In holy Jashin's name what the fuck is that transvestite screaming about now?" Kakuzu glared at him.

"Language Hidan." Hidan pouted.

"Whatever you're just jeaous because you're losing to me." He smirked triumphantly. Sasori looked up from his book.

"Isn't gambling a sin?" He said boredly, Hidan stared at him wordlessly.

"Maybe in your religion but Jashin loves it when his noble followers play poker in his name." Kakuzu rolled his eyes.

"Yeah sure whatever. I wonder what your brat was screaming about." Hidan said to Sasori.

"We should probably see. he hasn't shut up." Kakuzu said, annoyed at the fact he was losing to **Hidan** of all people. Sasori sighed and put his book down would he ever finish his bloody book?

"DANNA!!!!! DANNA!!!" Deidara was still screaming his voice was now a little hoarse but nevertheless it was loud enough for the three members to find him.

"Holy fuck." Hidan said as he looked at the severed arm the blonde was clutching.

"Who did this?" Sasori hissed angrily, Deidara gulped.

"Um nobody?" Kakuzu sighed.

"So you cut your own arm off? Or did an imaginary friend do it?" Sasori rolled his eyes.

"Who cut your arm of brat?" He already had a pretty good idea of who it was but he needed his idea to be validated.

"Ki-ki-Kisame-san did it.." Deidara muttered. Hidan laughed.

"I knew that fucking sideshow freak was insane!!" Kakuzu glared at his partner threateningly.

"Shut it." He growled.

"You shut up!" Hidan retorted.

"You shut up idiot!" Kakuzu said louder than before.

"I know you are but what am I retard?"

"I know you are but what am I?"

"I KNOW YOU ARE BUT WHAT AM I?" The two began to squabble loudly, Sasori groaned and took Deidara aside.

"Danna, what are we going to do?" The blonde was sobbing now. Sasori smirked.

"When the zombie twins over there," He gestured to Kakuzu and Hidan who were screaming at eachother, Kakuzu's visible part of his face was purple with rage and Hidan was waving his scythe around meancingly. "as I was saying," Sasori continued, "when the zombie twins stop, I'll get Kakuzu to fix your arm, then I'll figure out a way to get revenge on that blue idiot." Deidara sniffed and smiled.

"Can I blow his sword up?" Sasori rolled his eyes.

"No Deidara." Deidara pouted.

"Can I...blow him up?" He said hopefully.

"The Leader would not be very happy would he? We need something more subtle, asomething deadly." He paused thinking for a second. "And I think I know what to do..."

"I KNOW YOU ARE BUT WHAT AM I!?" Deidara groaned.

"SHUT UP!!!"

meanwhile in Narnia...

"You betrayed us for Turkish delight!!" Zetsu's white half screamed at Tobi who shifted uncomfortably.

"Sorry...Zetsu-san..." He said nervously.

**"We should eat you."** Zetsu's black side growled, **"Thanks to you Narnia is doomed!!"** Tobi let out a squeak of fear he didn't want to be lunch for the cannibalistic plant...

WHAT WILL HAPPEN?!?!

WILL HIDAN AND KAKUZU EVER SHUT UP?

WILL SASORI GET HIS REVENGE?

WILL NARNIA BE SAVED?

AND WHAT IS WITH THE LEADER'S LOVE OF PANCAKES?

AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, WILL I GET BORED OF THIS CAPLOCKS OBSESSION?

ahem...hope you liked that...review and I update


	6. Chapter 6: Aegresco egresco

w00t chappie six you lucky lucky people, after recieving a scary review (you know who you are) I decided to update heh heh ; anywho I don't own, Naruto, Narnia or The Shining and I'm pretty sure I didn't invent pancakes, I own a lovely apple and cinimon muffin i made tho yay!! remember **bold** means scary Zetsu is talking

"Narnia is saved!" Tobi said happily, Zetsu looked at the map at the large map the Leader had given them while trying to drive with one hand

"Mhm but now Leader-sama wants us to go to a hotel in the mountains."

"What's it called Zetsu-sama." He said curiously.

"I think it's called The Overlook hotel." **"I have a bad feeling about this..."** Zetsu frowned, "You have a bad feeling about everything."

Meanwhile in the proper story

"Kisame what did you do?" Itachi said calmly while lying on the bed Kisame sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed.

"What do you Itachi?" He said trying to sound nonchalant, Itachi raised an eyebrow.

"There's blood on your coat." He said tonelessly, Kisame shifted uncomfortably.

"It was my revenge against Akasuna no Sasori." Itachi sighed.

"What did you do? To my knowlege puppets don't bleed." Kisame smiled proudly.

"Oh I didn't hurt Sasori, I cut Deidara's arm off." Itachi stiffened.

"Why in the hell would you do that?" Kisame's smile faltered, "You talked of shredding Sasori but you said nothing of dismembering Deidara."

"I thought hurting someone he cared about would be a warning not to say anything to Leader-sama." Itachi stood up.

"Why the fuck would he do that? Sasori made it blatently clear he didn't care about my problem." He paused, "You're an idiot, you've done something to anger him, he will get his own back on you Kisame, and you'll pay for what you did." Kisame laughed nervously.

"Aw come on Itachi what's the worst he can do?" Itachi sighed at Kisame's stupidity.

Sasori adjusted his reading glasses and flicked through the pages of his encyclopedia. He stopped on a particular page.

**Non Compos Mentis (or not sound in mind) **

_A temporary condition which leaves a person in a extreme state of delusion for a few weeks_

_Symptoms include:_

_Delusional hallucinations_

_Unexplained fits of anger_

_Possiblity of homicidal actions _

_Extreme Paranoia _

_Loss of temporary memory _

_Use: Crushed scorpian eyes, a lock of the victim's hair, hydrochloric acid, traces of burnt ashes_

_may be injected or eaten_

Sasori turned the page. "That's too harsh." He studied the next page.

**Accendo (to kindle, illuminate, inflame)**

_Victim will feel an uncomfortable feeling of extreme heat even in the coldest of conditions, almost like they are on fire. Lasts for a day_

_Symptons included:_

_Intense feeling of burning and discomfort. _

_Use: burnt wood, limewater, dead ants and a low concentration of potassium._

_may be eaten_

Sasori turned the page, "Too leaniant." His eyes rested on the next page and he smirked

**Aegresco egresco (to fall ill, become troubled, grow worse)**

_This is a condition that will leave a victim feeling sluggish and incredibly ill, they will feel in a constant state of nausea for a number of days_

_Symptoms include:_

_Dizzyness_

_Violent Dihharea_

_Loud bowel movements_

_Vomiting _

_Fatigue _

_This will last for up to four days _

_Use: Crushed scorpian, dungbeetles, fish, low concentration of citrus acid_.

Sasori grinned and bookmarked the page, "Bingo."

Kisame smiled and opened his magazine, he wasn't scared of that puppet, what's the worst he could do?

"Ah Kisame I was looking for you." Kisame looked up.

"Mhm hello Sasori," He said Sasori's name as if it were a disgusting bug."what do you want?" Sasori smirked.

"I was wondering what your favourite food is." Kisame frowned.

"Doughnuts...why?" Sasori had a weird look on his face.

"Oh no reason..." Kisame sighed.

"Yeah shame that Leader-sama only ever buys those goddamn pancakes.." He said wistfully.

"Yeah it's a shame." Sasori deadpanned before walking out of the room.

Sasori smirked and pulled out a recipe book.

"Ah Sasori are you cooking?" Sasori turned around to see a very hopeful looking Leader.

"Um yes Leader-sama." The smiled.

"Are you making pancakes?" There was a silence.

"Um no.." The Leader looked crestfallen.

"I see...carry on."

Meanwhile

"Hello Tobi come play with us come play with us forever and ever." The little girls said in unison Tobi took a step backwards, he had a bad feeling about this...

WHAT WILL HAPPEN!?

WILL KISAME BE POISONED?!

WILL SASORI CONTINUE TO BE SO SEXY!?

WHAT WAS WITH THE LACK OF ITACHI AND DEIDARA?!

WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO TOBI AND ZETSU!?

WILL I UPDATE EVER AGAIN?!


	7. Chapter 7: Sasori's revenge

Hello my lovelies, here's a new chappie ALREADY le gasp anywwwhoooo I do not own Naruto, Love Fool by the Cardigans, The Shining or Harry Potter I own a pretty Alphonse Elric plushie though huggles

chap dedication tooo: Sham my eri friend

warning OOCness between S ranked criminals listen to this -> while reading JOHNNY!!!" Jack Torrence burst through the door weilding an axe an insane grin on his face.

"HOLY HELL!!!" Zetsu shrieked "**I told you that this was a bad idea."** "SHUT UP!!" Suddenly the muderous Jack Torrence was hit on the head by Tobi.

"Zetsu-sama Leader-sama changed his mind he wants us to go to.." Tobi looked at the map, "Hogwarts."

Meanwhillleeee

"Owww be careful with that needleee..." Deidara moaned trying to swat Kakuzu away, Kakuzu growled.

"Watch it blondie or it'll be more than just your arm I end up sewing on." Deidara gulped and looked at Sasori who was reading a smug expression on his face.

"Danna have you got any ideas?" Sasori smirked.

"Oh yes..." Kakuzu looked at the two confused, the puppeteer had that weird look on his face again, although Kakuzu would never admit it, he certainly wouldn't want to get on the older man's bad side...Sasori could do things, **_weird_** things, you only had to go into his bedroom and look at his 'collection' to know that. Kakuzu shuddered.

"Can I find outttt???" Deidara said hopefully.

"In due time Deidara." Deidara pouted.

"Awww but I wanna know nooowww.." He whined. Sasori rolled his eyes.

"Later Deidara, later."

"Itachi is there any good food in the fridge?" Itachi sighed

"Do you ever think of anything other than your stomach?" He paused he rarely ate when Kisame did, the shark was not the most 'pleasant' thing to watch eat. Kisame shifted uncomfortably.

"I was just asking." He mumbled.

"And I'm just telling you that I don't know." God the older man was trying his patience today, he'd been getting on his nerves recently he was getting more and more clingy, as if Itachi was a child he needed to look after. He was a good partner but sometimes Itachi would fantasise about having a different partner, one on the same intellectual level as himself, someone that kept themselves to themselves yet sometimes they bother to have a conversation that didn't involve work or Kisame's tales of his various murders before Akatsuki. Itachi wanted a partnership that went furthur than a quick fuck before a mission, he wanted something less basic and almost animalistic...but there was nobody in the Akatsuki like that. Itachi frowned, one name would spring to his mind, but he refused to admit that the member was anything but below him in everyway. But he couldn't help but fantasise about the other man, he was good looking, that needed no debate and Itachi had always prefered the older man, yet he was arrogant perhaps even more so than himself; he was obessessed with immortality and feared death. Itachi scoffed a shinobi should have no fear of death, it is inevitable, unescapable and the older man was a fool to believe he could outsmart death.

Kisame huffed and opened the fridge, Itachi had been acting differently recently even more (if it were possible) distant than usual. It frightened him. Maybe the inexperable fate that he would go blind was eroding the younger man's sanity. Kisame shook his head he didn't want to think of such things. His eyes scanned the many shelves of the fridge, "Hmmm pancakes, pancakes, pancakes, even more pancakes, pancake making set...and...wha-" Kisame's mouth dropped open. "It...it...it can't be..." Before the shark-nin stood the most beautiful doughnut ever, it was postively huge, covered in rich pink icing, sprinkled with many different coloured sprinkles...it was the perfect doughnut. Kisame grabbed the doughnut and ate it savouring every bite. "It's a miracle.." He said happily.

"Deidara I'm just going to check the fridge." Sasori said, Deidara looked up from nursing 'lefty-san' confusedly.

"Umm Sasori no Danna you don't eat..." Sasori sighed, damn the blonde was slow. He walked out the room and Deidara shrugged, he lifted his right hand to his ear.

"Aww righty-san that's cute." He giggled and turned to his left hand "Lefty-san, righty-san said he missed you." He lifted his left hand to his ear and giggled again, "Righty-san lefty-san says he missed you too."

Hiruko skulked through the halls and into the kitchen. Sasori prefered to be in his puppet at times like this. He knew the slightest display of emotion would give him away. He chuckled quietly to himself...the idiot left the fridge open...Leader-sama will be pissed. His eyes noted the many shelves of the fridge looking for him deadly doughnut. 'Success!' who else would eat a doughnut? Itachi didn't eat, Hidan was busy doing rituals, Kakuzu had only just finshed fixing Deidara's arm, he didn't eat, Deidara was watching what he ate and right now Leader-sama would only eat sweet and savoury pancakes. Hiruko turned around and walked back to his room where Deidara sat giggling, 'The fool is still talking to those things?'

"Deidara." His voice came out as a low growl, Deidara jumped, shocked.

"Danna I hate it when you go in that freaky puppet it's scaryyy..." He whined. Sasori rolled his eyes and stepped out of Hiruko.

"Deidara, I'm pretty sure the plan has worked." Deidara's face lit up like a christmas tree.

"Thank you Danna..." He said happily, suddenly the blonde wrinkled his nose. "Eww what's that smell?" Sasori grinned.

"Ah the plan has worked." He smiled to himself.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SMELL!?!?" The Leader shrieked from the kitchen , "WHAT SON OF A BITCH HAS BEEN EATING MOULDY FOOD?!!?" There was a silence..."Gather you idiots I'm calling a meeting!!"

Eight S-ranked criminals all stood in the kitchen, The Leader was tapping his foot impatiently. "Where is Kisame?"

"Ugghhh...I'm here.." Kisame groaned, the group turning to see a very pale Kisame.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Hidan said suspciously. Kisame moaned.

"I'm fine.." He mumbled before farting very very loudly a toxic smell filled the room, Deidara gagged and held his nose.

"UGGHHH YOU'RE THE SMELLY ONE!!" Deidara said pointing at Kisame who was suddenly looking rather queezy.

"Kisame go to bed you look awful." The Leader said firmly.

Kisame wheezed, "I need to go to the toilet first..."

"Well...ok go back to what you were doing..." The Leader said searching for the maple syrup.

Meanwhile in Hogwarts.

**"This is so gay."** "Shut up and play along."

"Hmmmm a cunning and brave mind...I shall put you in hhmmm Gyriffindor.."

"**Well ring a fucking ding..."** Zetsu mumbled going to sit at the Gyriffindor table.

"Hi I'm Harry Potter, you've probably heard of me." Harry flashed his 'winning' smile.

"No."** "We don't much care for people like you."** Zetsu said boredly. Harry stood up and pointed his wand at Zetsu.

"HOW DARE YOU!! "Zetsu sighed.

**"Let's eat him"** "Okay." Zetsu opened his mouth and swallowed the young boy in one. "**Mhmmm nerds always taste yummy."**

WHAT WILL HAPPEN?!!?!?

WILL SASORI'S PLA WORK?!!?!

IS KISAME SCREWED?!!?

WILL THE YAOI START SOON?!!?!

WILL IT BE SASO/DEI OR SASO/ITACHI

WHO WILL BE UKE!?!?!

WILL I EVER SHUT THE HELL UP!?!?!?

no...;p

dun dun duuuuuuuuunnnn well that's that, another chapter done. Sorry to all Harry Potter fans not meant to offend


	8. Chapter 8: I love you

Guess who's back! Back again? Shady's back...tell your friends no Saskia's back not Mr Slim Shady (sorry to all his fans) you're stuck with me. Anywho I'm bored which means update time. Sooooo I've been thinking about the upcoming problem of just who Sasori will be with...yeah I've found a solution which you'll find out about later so nyah. Damn two disappointments for ya'll no Slim Shady and no spoilers. Right let's cut the crap.

I don't own Naruto and I never will (sadly)

I don't own The Omen and I never will

There will be a lemon in this...so if that grosses you out...why are you reading this story? It's rated M for a reason lols

Also there are 'redhead or ginger' jokes in this chapter but being a redhead myself I can laugh at them..so don't get offended, if you do go and get a sense of humour there's a special 50 discount at Walmart.

Chapter dedication to KidGaaraGirlfriend...you lucky punk

By the way...all the horrible things in the manga such as Tobi being evil sob, Deidara dying more sobbing and Sasori dying hysterical sobbing...haven't happened...because...I said so

"This is all for you Damien." Zetsu grimaced, he'd never enjoyed birthday parties.

"Zetsu-sama that lady just jumped out the window." Tobi said gesturing to the very dead nanny.

"Mhm it seems rather rude to enquire about their pancake situation." There was a pause.** "Do you think we could eat her?"** Zetsu smiled, "Yeah and that creepy looking kid too."

**_meanwhile_**

Itachi sighed and stared up at the ceiling, Kisame had not left the bathroom in hours and the sound of his retching made the Uchiha prodigy feel ill himself. He sighed again not noticing the figure at the doorway.

"You seem sad." Itachi sat up dazed, he recognised the smooth, calm voice. "Sit down." The voice commanded, "Shut your eyes." Itachi frowned as he heard the door shut. He swallowed as he felt another body on the mattress. There were hands on him, on his body, he let out a noise of protest but was quickly silenced.

"What do you want?" He hissed, he was answered with a smirk, "Say something." He growled, the figure laughed and stroked the side of the Uchiha's pale face.

"What do you want me to say?" A hand trailed down Itachi's side, Itachi forced himself not to moan. "Well?" The voice murmured Itachi bit his lip and reached for his coat which was discarded on the floor. Delicate smooth fingers were tracing patterns on his stomach now, teasing him, tempting him.

"Stop this." He hissed, there was a pause, the figure seemed to be debating something mentally.

"No." And with that Itachi felt a pair of lips descend upon his. The kiss itself wasn't sweet or tender, it was hungry, desperate but at the same time the best kiss Itachi had had in a long time. He felt hands run through his hair pulling him closer, demanding more of him. Itachi stared at the figure angrily.

"Get off me." He said firmly. His 'attacker' raised an eyebrow.

"Why? You seem to be enjoying this." He let out a short laugh as he began to massage Itachi's already painful erection through his trousers, "No I think I'll stay right where I am thank you." Itachi growled.

"You smug bastard." He gasped as his felt his trousers being pulled down. A hand forced Itachi's face up ordering him to look straight into the other man's eyes. "Go away." He growled, "Get the fuck out of my face." He desperately tried to shove the older man off him but a vice like grip upon his shoulders prevented and hindered any possible chance of escaping.

"Let me reiterate my pervious statement Uchiha, no I'm quite happy here." Itachi looked at him clearly worried.

"But..but you're not real...you're...you're cold...you can't love." An eyebrow was raised.

"I could say the same about you Uchiha." He felt lips crash on to his pulling him into another hungry kiss, he stifled a moan as a hand gently found its way onto his prominent erection, slowly stroking it.

"At least..ah...at least ahh I'm human..." He hated this, he hated that smug asshole, he hated himself for enjoying every second. "...Faster.." He whispered, the hand complied with his request and began to almost forcefully stoke Itachi's erection. Suddenly everything stopped. "Wha- what are you doing?" He gasped as he felt warm lips on his cock. He writhed as lips licked the top off his cock, slowly moving down before taking the whole thing in his mouth. Unsure of what to do pale hands ran their way through the shaggy locks. "I love yo-"

"I love you..." Kisame murmured as he looked at the sleeping Uchiha. Itachi sat up suddenly, sweaty with a slightly disorientated. He looked at Kisame a slightly panicky expression on his handsome face.

"What did you say?" He said confused, Kisame looked away from Itachi.

"Nothing. "He mumbled suddenly a pained expression appeared on his features. Itachi frowned.

"What's wrong?" Kisame suddenly cringed, a loud squelching noise filled the room, Itachi's eyes widened. "UGH Kisame! Get out and come back when your bowel is not having multiple spasms!" Kisame sighed and ran out of the room, Itachi frowned, the room stank and the sound of Kisame retching the hallway wasn't helping.

"Ughhh that fucking shark is barfing in the halls!" Hidan said pulling his scythe out of his chest, Kakuzu frowned as blood spurted on the carpet. "It's fucking disgusting." Hidan said, he turned to Sasori who was reading. "Hey puppet boy!" Sasori looked up calmly.

"Yes?" Hidan frowned hey at the least the puppet knew his name.

"This is your doing isn't it?!" Sasori shrugged.

"I'm not too sure what you're talking about Hidan." Hidan grit his teeth.

"Don't play dumb with me ginger!! It's your fault sharky boy is currently hurling up his own shit in the hallway isn't it!?" Sasori shook his head at Hidan's lack of medical knowledge.

"First of, you can't vomit your own shit Hidan no matter what you've heard from Zetsu, and secondly maybe I did maybe I didn't." Sasori said smartly returning to his book

"This is why I hated ginger kids at school." Hidan hissed. Kakuzu frowned, he knew Kisame's fate had been at Sasori's hands and as much as he hated Hidan he didn't wish whatever Sasori had done to Kisame on anyone else.

"Hidan shut it unless _**you**_ want to be puking up _**your **_own shit." He growled. Hidan smirked.

"God Kakuzu you're dumb, you can't puke up your own shit." Sasori rolled hsi eyes.

"God you guys are dumb." He muttered.

meanwhile

"Sooo we've destroyed the anti Christ.." **"I destroyed him."** "We both ate him." **"It was my idea.."**

"Ummm where are we off to next Zetsu-sama." Tobi asked, Zetsu looked at the map.

**"Well according to the Leader he has a lead saying that we're to go to the 'ship of dreams' or Titanic."** "What a stupid name." **"Yeah...so pretentious.."**

DUN DUN DUNNNN

okay yeah was not much a of lemon but...yeah...sorry anywhooo

WHO WAS ITACHI DREAMING OF?!

WILL KISAME NEED TO GET HIS STOMACH PUMPED?!

CAN YOU VOMIT UP YOUR OWN SHIT?!

IS LOVE IN THE AIR FOR ZETSU?!...no sorry

WHERE IS DEIDARA?!

WILL I GET BORED OF CAPLOCKS?!

WILL THERE BE AN UPDATE?!

if you press the lovely button marked 'review' you might find out...


	9. Chapter 9: Useless Member

hello hello hello. Here is a yummy scrummy update chock full of yaoi goodness!! Anywhhooo lets cut the crap

I don't own Naruto or any characters affiliated with it. If I did Sasuke and Gaara totally have a thang going on lol and the phrase Believe It!! Would rot in the darkest circle of hell where it belongs lol.

I don't own Titanic or Pirates of the Caribbean

Chap Dedication to all the poor people effected by Hurricane Dean, my thoughts and prayers are with you

It was a freezing night, Jack shivered, he wasn't sure how long he could hold on, but he had to, for Rose "You're going to die and old old lady, warm in your bed, not here, not this night" Jack whispered, he frowned when he heard no response. "Rose? Ros- ARRGGGGHHH!!!" The young man screamed as he saw what he assumed to be a giant green thing sitting in a life boat. "Sea monster? Hey what have you done with Rose!?" Zetsu sighed.

"The redhead? She was yummy." He laughed, Jack looked heartbroken.

"You...you monster!! I have nothing to live for..." Zetsu rolled his eyes.

"Then screw you." Zetsu kicked Jack of the debris he was clinging to. "We didn't ask if he knew the directions to the nearest bakery." "Aww shut up! But thinking about it we shouldn't have hijacked the lifeboat and eaten all the people on it" "I told you I had a bad feeling about this...that old woman looked a bit past her sell buy date.." Zetsu coughed up a black stiletto shoe covered in spit whacked Tobi on the head.

"Oww.."

Meanwhile in the proper story

Itachi held his head in his hands. He was in a complete state of confusion, 'That dream...what did it mean? And why in all of God's name would I dream about ..him?' He would admit to himself, the older man was attractive, a work of art itself…but still, Itachi wrinkled his nose in disgust.

"Hi Tachi-kun." Itachi turned around to see a smiling Deidara.

"Hn." He muttered not bothering to properly acknowledge the clay artist. Deidara frowned.

"Tachi-kun what's wrong?" Itachi frowned, there was something about the blonde that infuriated him today. "Tachi-kun? Are you annoyed with Sasori-no Danna for fighting with Kisame?" There it was 'Sasori no Danna' that phrase was so...it pissed him off. Danna? How pathetic for a grown man to call another 'Danna'.

"Don't call me 'Tachi-kun'" He said tonelessly, Deidara looked at him slightly confused.

"Um ok you can beeee...Itachi-kun." He grinned lopsidedly, Itachi stood up angrily it took all his will power not to send the unfortunate blonde into '72 hours of torture' mode.

"Don't call me anything, infact don't even talk to me." Deidara frowned.

"Um Itachi what's wrong?" Itachi glared at Deidara.

"You! That's what's wrong just...just go away!!!" A distinct expression of hurt appeared on the blonde's face.

"Ok.." He murmured walking away from Itachi sadly. Itachi glared at the departing back he wasn't sure what it was about the blonde that irked him so today but he couldn't help it...it almost felt like...jealousy? No, there was no possible reason for him to be jealous of that blonde createn...he was shallow, a melodramatic, an immature brat 'God only knows how Sasori...' Itachi stiffened at the thought of the redheaded puppeteer who seemed to be invading his every thought, even his dreams. He shook his head, trying to think of the negative aspects of the older man, he viewed himself as an unexpressed genius, the prodigy of Suna, Itachi smirked Akasuna no Sasori was an inherently dislikeable character...but so was he, Uchiha Itachi was not exactly famed for his nice personality quite the opposite. A considered sadistic egomaniac he was fear by many even other members, sighed Itachi stood up and began to make his way inside.

"Danna?" Deidara sat down next to Sasori who was currently fixing Hiruko an expression of annoyance gracing his delicate features.

"What brat?" He muttered wiping oil off his face.

"Kisame-san is still sick, is he going to be ok?" Sasori repressed the urge to roll his eyes.

"No Deidara I decided to poison him so strongly he never gets better." He said sardonically, Deidara frowned.

"Danna don't be mean I was only asking. I didn't want you to do something so drastic." Sasori gripped the screwdriver he was holding a little to tightly.

"So just what did you want me to do?" He growled, "I spent hours, sodding hours making sure I could find a sufficient and effective way of revenge and you throw it back in my face!" He snapped, Deidara rolled his eyes.

"Oh come on Danna what else do you have to do around here, you just sit in your room playing with your stupid dolls! You're not exactly a useful member are you? All you do is sit around in your stupid smelly puppet and go on about how skilled you are at everything when you're skilled at hardly anything apart from your stupid puppets!" Deidara retorted. Sasori stood up enraged.

"How dare you." He growled, "You little brat, show some fucking respect to those who put themselves out for you, I wish I hadn't wasted my time helping an ungratful selfish brat." He said through gritted teeth before stomping off.

" How dare he...I am a skilled artist...not a useful member...that little bastard. I have other things to do...that son of a-"

"Ow watch it Akasuna! That fucking hurt." Hidan snapped, Sasori looked up he'd been walking looking at the floor.

"Sorry Hidan." He said tonelessly.

"Yeah well watch who you're bloody walking into, for Jashin's sake!" Sasori rolled his eyes.

"Calm down I said I was sorry." Sasori muttered.

"Well it hurt, your wooden head isn't the nicest thing to have bang into you Pinocchio!" Hidan skulked off muttering a string of curse words leaving Sasori alone again. Lost in his thoughts he didn't notice a familiar face standing right in front of him.

"Akasuna." A monotone voice uttered snapping the redhead out of his daydream.

"Uchiha, can I help you?" He said boredly, Itachi frowned annoyed at the puppeteer's lack of interest.

"No not really, you looked pissed off." He laughed quietly, "Deidara being a brat?" Sasori frowned.

"How can you tell?" He said, Itachi smirked.

"Because he's always with you." Itachi said , Sasori huffed, the question was on the tip of his tongue but he didn't want to come across a pathetic insecure idiot in front of Itachi, his only intellectual equal...'Even Leader-sama has mental problems.'

"Uchiha can I ask you something?" Itachi raised his eyebrows, the redhead never asked for anything.

"Shoot." Saosri seemed to be having some sort of internal struggled.

"Am I useful?" Itachi laughed,

"What kind of question is that?" Sasori frowned.

"A valid one, now give me an answer." He snapped.

"Did that transvestite say something to you Akasuna, God I thought you were above listening to him," Itachi stopped laughing, "hmm it pains me to say this Aka-Sasori, but of course you're useful, as much as I dislike" _'As much as I like you..'_ Itachi thought "you, you're the only person here that makes much sense to me." _'You're the only person that confuses me...I can't work you out Sasori..'_ "Your partner on the other hand is a messy fighter whereas you are," _'A talented shinobi'_ "A capable and strong shinobi, you're also the only (excluding myself) shinobi that seems to have more than five brain cells to rub together." Itachi stopped and Sasori laughed.

"I've never heard you say so much Uchiha.." There was a pause. "Thank you." Itachi sighed wishing he could have said more.

"Anytime Akasuna."

Elsewhere

"Zetsu-sama look it's another sea moster." Tobi pointed at the huge squid like creature.

"It's a kraken!" Elizabeth screamed, Zetsu turned around agriyly.

"Look instead of shouting in my ear can you please tell me where I can find a tescos." Elizabeth stared at Zetsu blankly. "Don't know hmm? Then screw you." Zetsu opened his mouth and Elizabeth Swan was no more. "Stupid sea...I hate boats...I had a bad feeling about this." "Oh shut up!"

THE ENNNDDD

Review rhymes with you

Which means fucking revieww pweeaaassee also pple who read and add as a favourite story please review too...plleeeaassseee


	10. Chapter 10: The wrong name

Hallo wie heisst du? Ich heisse Saskia ; Hallo, Bonjour and Buenos Dias lovely readers. I own nothing...you know that I also don't own Fatal Attraction or Sleepy Hollow I am going copy write the term 'Tobi Boiler' though. Enjoy this chapter LEMON ALERT...kinda

sorry it's shorter than previous chapters

Chapter Dedication: to my lovely Step Dad Ian...love you

"I WON'T BE IGNORED ZETSU!!" Alex screamed waving her arms around wildly, Zetsu sighed,

"I can't believe we slept with this crazy chick." **"It was your idea I said I had a bad feeling about it..."**

"I'LL COME DOWN TO YOUR LAIR AND SO HELP ME I'LL MAKE SUCH A SCENE!!!" Zetsu cringed, Leader Sama would NOT tolerate that.

"Look...Alex…baby I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings…But I was only gonna ask if you could make pancakes..." **"Yeah...it was a mistake sleeping with you…sorry."** Alex gasped and slapped Zetsu.

"YOU WERE USING ME!!! BUT I LOVE YOU!!! WE WERE GOING TO GET MARRIED AND LIVE IN THE COUNTRY AND HAVE THREE KIDS!!" Zetsu spluttered.

**"Um what?"** There was a pause. "Where's Tobi?" Alex cackled.

"Somewhere where he can't interfere with out love." Zetsu gulped.

Meanwhile

Itachi sighed deeply and rested his head on his pillow. "Itachi? Are you Ok?" Kisame said worriedly. Itachi rolled his eyes.

"I'm fine Kisame...I'm just thinking about something." There was a pause.

"What are you thinking about?" Itachi groaned.

"Nothing Kisame." Kisame frowned.

"How can you be thinking about nothing?" Itachi huffed.

"Because I am..." He snapped, Kisame frowned.

"No need to be rude Itachi, I came to tell you I don't feel ill anymore."

"Good for you." Itachi said tonelessly, Kisame sighed it wasn't the response he'd been hoping for but hey it was almost impossible to get any form of response from the great Uchiha Itachi.

"Yeah well," There was another pause. "Itachi.. I'm worried about you." Itachi stiffened. What did Kisame mean? Why was he worried? What had he done to worry the older shinobi?

"Why?" He said worried himself, nobody ever worried over him. Did he know about his...thoughts about a certain Akasuna no Sasori?

"Because…I know that you're.." Kisame lowered his voice. "Going blind.." Itachi tensed up and exhaled sharply.

"If you fucking tell anyone.." He hissed, Kisame looked hurt.

"No Itachi you misunderstand me...completely." He shut his eyes he didn't want Itachi to see the hurt in them. "I'm going to help you. I'll find a cure..." Itachi snorted.

"Good luck with that Kisame I'm pretty sure there is no cure for blindness." Kisame frowned.

"I...Itachi I don't know what I'd do without you...I'm going to fix this." Itachi stared at the older man in shock, he had no idea that Kisame's feelings were so strong...so genuine. Nobody cared for him, not in that way, it seemed so absurd that someone should harbour those feelings for him. He was an insincere, selfish bastard only caring for himself, it was odd and ridiculous state for the older man to feel, Itachi had always debated whether Kisame was right in the head, and his ridiculous plan only fuelled his theory that the older man was lacking something in the head department.

"Kisame shut up. You'd manage without me, because people do...people carry on with their lives," There was a pause, "besides I'm not going anywhere." Kisame smiled wryly.

"You've always had a way with words Itachi..." Their eyes met and the two shared a kiss. Instantly Kisame's tongue pried Itachi's mouth open the older man had always enjoyed being dominant. The smaller man let out a small 'oh' as he felt sharp teeth against his neck biting, sucking...He thanked God for the high collars of their uniform. He felt his pants being pulled down and his legs being opened. The older man kissed him roughly once again before murmuring.

"This will hurt." Itachi rolled his eyes.

"Kisame I know that...Ah!" He winced as he felt a finger pushing inside shortly followed by two other ones. He wasn't ready he never was but Kisame didn't like waiting. He bit his lip as he felt Kisame slide inside him. He was so...so big it was almost too much to handle. They'd done this so many times, countless times even yet Itachi was never ready.

"Itachi-kun...Itachi-kun say something." Itachi grimaced Kisame liked to be encouraged, to know he was doing a good job 'He's like a puppy..' Itachi thought angrily.

"Kisame..." He moaned as Kisame thrust in harder it didn't feel right...the words, the name that was coming out of his mouth, they weren't the right ones...it wasn't the name he wanted to say.

"Itachi-kun I love it when you say my name." Kisame purred, he frowned slightly at Itachi's pained expression. "Relax..." He murmured his breath tickling Itachi's ear. Itachi decided for once to listen to someone else, he relaxed, trying to picture himself somewhere else, with someone else. And that's when things took a turn for the worst, that's when Uchiha Itachi moaned the wrong name.

"Sasori..."

Meanwhile

Zetsu ran into the kitchen. "TOBI!!" **"Where did that bitch hide him?"** "TOBI!!" There was a muffled scream and Zetsu turned his attention to the stove, there was a large pot on it, being cooked.

"Zetsu-sama!" A muffled cry said from the pot.

**"Holy shit she's a Tobi Boiler..."** Zetsu ran over and pulled the lid off to reveal a very wet and slightly cooked Tobi.

"AHHH ZETSU-SAMA THANK GOD!" Zetsu frowned.

"Yeah Yeah you're safe now.." **"Come on...we've got a new destination..."** "I've never heard of it..."

"Where is it Zetsu-sama?" Tobi said cocking his head to the side.

"A little town called...what was it again?" **"Sleepy Hollow...but I have a bad feeling about it..."** "SHUT UP!!"

Le Fin

Ahem...remember review rhymes with you...I apologise for the crapness of the lemon...but I'm pretty new to writing proper ones...and yeah Sasori and Itachi...will "screw each other's brains out" (quote from LuciousLadyLucius)...eventually

yeah review or Zetsu will come and eat you...then make pancakes in your kitchen...


	11. Chapter 11: Person A, Person B

Ok my peeps here is chapter 11, I own nothing not even the clothes on my back no I joke however I do not own Naruto or the characters affiliated with it, Sleepy Hollow .

remember Bold scary zetsu talking

_Italics _dream

_'italic_' thoughts

Chapter Dedication: Janette Hersey, my Nan

**" I have a bad feeling about this."** "You always do..." Zetsu and Tobi crept 'stealthily' through the Western Woods of Sleepy Hollow.

"Hey Zetsu-Sama!!" Tobi waved excistedly there's a local coming to say hello!" Zetsu turned to see none other than...

Meanwhile

_He ran through the deserted streets his heartbeat ringing in his ears, his breathing was shallow and his hair loose. The usually neat locks were tangled and sticking to his face which was slick with sweat and inevitable tears. He stopped keeling over in agony as a painful stitch suddenly appeared tiwisting his insides making it feel as if many tiny needles were jabbing his insides. He'd been running for so long and so fast that he felt the bile come up his throat and automatically he fell to his knees vomit rushing up his throat and staining the dusty road. 'There's nowehere to go...' he though panicking, his body shook with nerves as he forced his tired body up, he coughed and as he prepared to run yet again he felt an unwelcome hand on his shoulder._

_"You're not going anywhere..."_

He awoke with a start, breathing heavily and covered in a sheen of unpleasant sweat. Not caring if he woke someone up he jumped out of the bed, flung his door open and ran down the hallway in search of much needed fresh air. He exhaled deeply as he stepped out into the cold night air, leaning up against a wall he tried to gather his thoughts together.

"I should be over all these stupid nightmares..." He mumbled to nobody in particular running a hand through his tangled hair. "It happened years ago anyway...it's not like it could happen again anyway, I can fend for myself now anyway." He huffed trying to rationalise the whole horrible situation itself. He shivered realising that he was only in a pair of boxer shorts, he looked down and traced the scar on his arm annoyed at how prominant the scar would be. He heard a loud moan coming from inside. He quietly crept inside shutting the door, he went down the hallway from which he'd heard the moan, more moans and gasps were being uttered along with a few grunts. He wrinkled his nose. _'Why can't people be a bit more discreet?'_ He thought shuddering. As on cue the moans stopped and an awkward silence accompanied by a shakey breath was heard. Suddenly the silence was shattered by a loud yell.

"WHAT THE HELL!!" A confused and angry voice yelled. _'I'll call him person A'_ He thought, 'I'm too tired to put a voice to a face.'

"Calm down." A second more stoic voice said quietly._ 'Ah that can be person B'_

"How can I calm down!? How long have you been thinking about this?!" Person A screamed.

"For God's sake stop making such a big deal over nothing." Person B said trying to keep his emotions in check, he heard Person A laugh sardoncally.

"Oh yeah I'll pretend that nothing happened shall I?" There was a pause, "You're fucking joking me!!!??! You were thinking about him all along weren't you!? Weren't you!?" Person A seemed hysterical, Person B sighed.

"Calm down." Person B said simply. A grin spread across his face as he worked out who the rowing 'couple' were.

"This is too good." He smirked and walked down the dark hallway in better spirits.

"How'd you sleep last night?" Deidara said looking up from his sketching. Sasori sighed.

"I don't sleep Deidara." He said turning his attention away from his deconstructed puppet. He had oil on his cheek, Deidara leaned over and, licking his finger he wiped the oil away.

"Um you had oil on your face." Deidara stuttered as he realised just how close he was to his partner. He looked into Sasori's dark wine coloured eyes.

"Oh…thank you Deidara." Both waited for the other to move, Deidara felt his heart beat faster. There was a long silence. "Deidara I-" Sasori was cut off when a pair of soft lips pressed against his. He froze unsure of what to do, he was shocked at the sudden…feeling. He could make out the faint sensation of lips against his…it was interesting. He gasped as he felt a hungry tongue force itself into his mouth. Still confused Sasori pulled his fellow artist closer, wrapping his arms around the blonde's small waist. Deidara broke apart suddenly gasping for air. They stared at each other wordlessly

"I…" Deidara began trailing off, Sasori smirked and pulled the blonde into another kiss unaware of their watcher.

Meanwhile

"He didn't have a head." **"Yeah we saw that too genius."** Tobi sat down next to Zetsu on the cold woodland floor.

"It could worse Zetsu-Sama, he could of cut your head off…" Zetsu laughed.

**"He didn't know where to cut, thankfully I knew where to bite"** Zetsu burped loudly before coughing up a large sword, "I told you we should chew more." Tobi laughed not quite understanding what as going on.

"Where are we going now Zetsu-Sama?" Zetsu looked at his map.

"Um Whitby?. I think that's how pronounce it." **"They have many bakeries there."** Tobi gulped.

"Aren't they having a umm vampire problem?" There was a pause.

**"God you're an idiot."**

DUN DUN DUUUUNN

SO…WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED IN THIS CHAPTER?

WILL DEIDARA AND SASORI GET IT ON?

WHO WAS WATCHING THEM?

WHO WAS DOING ALL THAT YELLING?

AND WHO WAS HAVING NIGHTMARES?

A COOKIE FOR THE PERSON THAT CAN GUESS ALL THOSE THINGS

Remember review rhymes with yooouu. Thanks for reading.

I apologise for the shortness of this chapter


	12. Chapter 12: Revealed

I own nothing...that's a lie I own this plot, the clothes on my back and a slice of apple crumble which nobody is taking from me. I own no Naruto characters ;; if I did the show would have a lot more GaaraxSasuke and a LOT less Sakura. Enjoy peeps I don't own

Chap Dedication: Muncheh Puppy

**"Wow...England's really boring."** There was a pause. "I thought there was a Vampire problem here...Tobi you liar!!" Tobi winced.

"Well there's a lady wandering around kidnapping children...and some weirdo Romanian Counts been hanging around?" Tobi said in an effort to make the whole situation more interesting. As it was the two were sitting on the beach eating ice cream with a box of pancakes beside them.

**"Not everyone from Romania is a vampire Tobi."** "God you're so racist!" Tobi huffed.

Meanwhile

Deidara lay on his bed staring up at the ceiling with a smile on his face, he was glowing if he was any happier he'd burst. Sasori on the other hand was sitting on his bed staring blankly at the wall trying to comprehend his situation, it wasn't that he regretted it…far from that but he wasn't used to that much contact with another person, he'd almost forgotten what it was like.

"Sasori no Danna?" Sasori turned to see a concerned Deidara propping himself up on the bed with his skinny elbows.

"Yes Deidara?" Sasori said dryly, Deidara winced, was he really that unaffected by what had just happened? Deidara fidgeted unable to look meet Sasori's unnerving stare.

"Are you...are you happy with what happened between us?" He mumbled, blushing profusely. Sasori mentally rolled his eyes why had he got assigned the partner with possibly the most emotional baggage? He looked at the blonde whose visible human eye was wet with tears, 'God…he's crying?' Sasori frowned the kid was such a cry baby.

"Of course I am." He said calmly, there was a pause. "Why are you crying Deidara?" Deidara sniffed.

"I wasn't sure if you...if you liked me." He murmured. Sasori groaned in frustration, "Danna? What's wrong?" God the boy was slow, Sasori shook his head.

"Nothing.." He said calmly, the boy had enough emotion for both of them. Deidara huffed stood up and sat on the end of Sasori's bed. Sasori raised an eyebrow. "What are you doing." Deidara looked at him in faux innocence, before crawling up to the older man on his knees.

"Nothing Danna." He purred, Sasori looked at the boy slightly confused at the current situation. He was even more confused when he felt Deidara's hand pull down his trousers. Sasori's entire body stiffened as he felt a tongue teasingly lip the top of his erect cock. He exhaled sharply willing himself to look ahead and not at- his thoughts were lost to propriety when his gaze was interrupted by Deidara. A cerulean eye stared directly into his glazed over eyes. Sasori frowned the tongue had not stopped. He looked at Deidara questionably.

"Righty-san doesn't mind." Deidara said huskily, before Sasori could protest he felt Deidara's lips on his, kissing him forcefully, pushing him back against the headboard. "Danna.." Deidara moaned breaking away for air. "Tell me you can feel this," He said breathlessly, "tell me you like this." He was pleading, praying that the puppet felt at least a fraction of what the blonde was feeling. Sasori leaned in and bit Deidara's earlobe making the younger mew.

"Of course I do." He was kind of tell the truth...it was just slightly altered. Sasori placed a hand under Deidara's thigh and pulled the blond onto his lap. Both made a hurried attempt to pull down the blondes trousers. Deidara gasped as he felt the cold air hit his lower region. He winced as he felt a slender finger stroke his entrance pensively.

"Do it.." Deidara said through gritted teeth, Sasori nodded not letting his worry slip onto his stoic face. Slowly he slipped a finger inside Deidara. He flinched as he heard Deidara moan in discomfort, no matter. He pushed two other equally graceful hands inside. Deidara yelped but tired to laugh it off

"You have such girly hands Danna.." Sasori frowned and removed his fingers before tentatively placing his cock just outside Deidara's still painfully tight entrance. One...Two...Three and with that he pushed in. The blonde let out a mew of discomfort and Sasori stayed stationary inside him. Deidara frowned. "Move." He hissed, Sasori raised and eyebrow.

"You don't seem to enjoy this Deidara." He said simply, Deidara tutted.

"Give it a minute Danna...hurry up!" Sasori sighed and slowly he rocked his hips against Deidara's skinny ones. Deidara inhaled sharply as the feelings of pain in a flash was replaced by an indescribable pleasure. He through his head back an moaned loudly, Sasori remained quiet focusing on pushing out and in keeping a steady rhythm. Deidara's breaths became shorter and sharper, "Danna..." He moaned barely able to keep his thoughts coherent, "Sa...sa...SASORI!" He screamed wrapping his arms around the older man not wanted to ever let go.

Itachi shut his eyes and sat down. " Itachi." A familiar deep voice said. Itachi turned around to see Kisame.

"Kisame." He said curtly before turning around and shutting his eyes. Kisame sat down gingerly next to him.

"I'm sorry about last night." Kisame said ruefully.

_"WHAT THE HELL!!" Kisame yelled loudly . 'I'll call him person A' He thought, 'I'm too tired to put a voice to a face.' _

_"Calm down." Itachi said stoically . 'Ah that can be person B'_

_"How can I calm down!? How long have you been thinking about this?!" Kisame screamed. _

_"For God's sake stop making such a big deal over nothing." Itachi said trying to keep his emotions in check, Kisame laughed sardonically. _

_"Oh yeah I'll pretend that nothing happened shall I?" There was a pause, "You're fucking joking me!!!??! You were thinking about him all along weren't you!? Weren't you!?" Kisame seemed hysterical, Itachi sighed. _

_"Calm down." Itachi said simply. A grin spread across the blonde's face as he worked out who the rowing 'couple' were. He walked down the long dark hall his blue eye bright and a smile etched on his beautiful face ._

Meanwhile

"I TOLD YOU THERE WAS A VAMPIRE PROBLEM!!" Tobi squealed as what had been lovely Miss Lucy chased them down the Whitby graveyard. "I DROPPED THE PANCAKES!!" He screamed arms flialing widly.

"Leave them!!" **"I told you this was a bad idea."** The duo hid behind a large grave and pulled out their map. "Where to now?" **"Munich...in 1921?"** Zetsu stared at the map.

"Ahh Leader-Sama got his time machine working." Tobi said happily. Zetsu gulped.

"No I have a bad feeling that something was going down in Munich at that stage.." Tobi frowned.

**"Wasn't there a war?"** "No idiot...I can't qute remember, guess we'll find out when we get there."

DUN DUN DUUUUNN

WHAT WILL HAPPEN?

DEIXSASORI? WILL IT STAY?!

WHAT THE HELL IS WITH THE LACK OF ITACHI?!

WHAT WILL HAPPEN IN MUNICH...heads up FMA fans

what fueled this story: L'arcenCiel played repeatedly, lots and lots and lots of mocha and contant badgering from a certain friend of mine.


	13. Chapter 13: Realisation and Regret

Hello, Hi, Hiyaaa welcome to a new chapter of INTELLIGENCE IS A CURSE!! A note to the lovely lawyers searching the internet for people to sue... I OWN NOTHING, LITERALLY NOTHING. I own the plot loosely lol so yeah FMA and Naruto do not belong to me.

Chap Dedication: Dassy, happy birthday babes

Another note: Um if anyone who is/was/is friends with/married to a lawyer...I love you guys and I really really don't think you look for people to steal money off...so yeah...we cool? yeah we're cool.

Edward Elric ran down the streets his younger brother Al struggling to keep up.

"Nii-san!" Al said trying to get his older (sexier) brother's attention. After he called his brother's name for the fifth time Ed stopped running and sighed angrily.

"What?!" He turned around to see possibly weirdest thing his young traumatised mind had ever seen. Weirder than the gate, Envy's true form (seriously WTF), Dante, Izumi coughing up blood, the whole of the Armestris army in general and Jean Havoc's suspenders. "Holy crap." He whispered rubbing his eyes to see if he was seeing things.

A giant plant in a cheap looking cloak was wrestling with a suit of armour...

"Hey you bitch give me that!!" Zetsu wrestled with the suit of armour angrily **"They're my pancakes"** The armour cursed loudly before whacking Zetsu with his right fist. Zetsu growled, "Oh that is SO it." and with that he ate the poor innocent (yet evil) armour whole, before burping. "Don't be starting what ya can't finish bitch."_ **"You got serrvvveedd."**_

MEANWHILE IN NORMAL STORY LAND

Itachi rubbed his temples in frustration, it didn't matter how many times Kisame would apologise, something didn't feel quite right. He looked up at Kisame languidly.

"Hn." Kisame frowned.

"Itachi-" 'Here it comes' Itachi thought miserably, here would come a tirade of apologies, self pitying words and a general air of self deprecation that Itachi really could not stand right now.

"Be quiet Kisame I just don't care!" Itachi said a slight hint of anger in his usually monotone voice.

"Itachi I-" Kisame began, shaken by his partner's violent change in mood. Itachi said nothing but merely stalked off

Deidara snuggled further into his Danna's chest. Sasori on the other hand could not wait to get out of the stuffy bedroom. It felt like the walls were closing in on him, everything was getting smaller, tighter, uncomfortable.

"Mhm I love you Sasori-no-Danna" Deidara purred toying with a strand of red hair. Sasori froze. 'What the hell have I done?!' Without warning he sprung out of bed and hurriedly began to pull on his trousers. Deidara yelped as his body was pushed of Sasori's smooth wooden one. He sighed and wriggled pulling the duvet around him trying to get comfy. "Sasori?" Deidara said groggily. Sasori couldn't even meet Deidara's eyes.

"I'm just going for a walk Deidara" He said lowly, calmly but inside he felt like screaming. Deidara looked at him curiously.

"Danna are you ok?" He said worriedly. Sasori swallowed and nodded before murmuring a few strangled goodbyes and shutting the door. The second he was out the door and a few yards away from the door he let out a loud,

"Ahhh!!" He kicked a wall in frustration before trying to compose himself. After a few moments he was breathing normally and was not completely traumatised. The redhead leant against the wall, eyes shut trying to rationalise the events. He tolerated the brat. He had come to vaguely understand the brat. He felt empathy for the brat. He allowed the occasional hug from the brat. He kissed the brat. He fucked the brat. He felt queasy at the thought. What the hell had he been thinking? He didn't care about the brat in that way! He didn't care about anyone in that way. He held his head in his perfect slender wooden hands. "What's happening to me?"

"I don't know what is?" Sasori looked up to see Itachi who had now, without warning had joined him. Sasori looked away hurriedly and merely stared straight ahead. "What happened?" Itachi said, not because he honestly cared about the redhead but mainly because he wanted a problem to distract him from the one that was staring him in the face.

"What do you want to know?" Sasori said callously. Itachi shook his head.

"I'm bored? Is that a valid answer Akasuna?" Sasori looked at him out of the corner of his eye, there was a long pause.

"Fine Uchiha, I'll tell you some but not all." Itachi nodded.

"Carry on" Sasori frowned he hated being talked to like some form of lower being.

"I-"

"Gather you bastards I'm calling a meeting!" Itachi sighed.

"Leader-Sama wants us I guess." Sasori nodded and the two walked away to the 'meeting' i.e. the Leader screaming about some nonsense while nobody really listened.

"Tell me what you were going say later." Itachi said calmly, Sasori tutted and shook his head, he smirked.

"No shan't."

Meanwhile.

"SOLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE!!" Tobi shrieked before taking a bite out of solent burger.

"That must be why it taste so damn good."** "Maybe we should eat this instead, anything's better than pancakes."** And with that Tobi vomited.

Ummm Le fin

WHAT WILL HAPPEN?!?!

WHAT DOES LEADER WANT?!!? (Btw if anybody reviews and goes we know he's called Pein, Tobi's evil yada yada…spare me I started writing this before all those crazy plot twists and I ain't changing nuffin )

WHAT WAS WITH THE 'NO SHAN'T'??

POOR DIEDARA!!!!

POOR KISAME!!!!

POOR SASKIA!!!!

MORE LATER IF YOU REVIEW

What fuelled this: The Black parade, apples and one mother of a deadline.


	14. Chapter 14: The Spy

Helllooooo Happy new years my fans here's a whole new chapter. I own nothing as usual :( except sort of the plot... however there are (contrary to belief) only seven plots in the world so yeah... anyways i don't own Naruto or Disney's Enchanted (best movie ever go see it)

Chapter Dedication Michael

Giselle danced happily around central park singing, Zetsu and Tobi followed the throng of singing people

"That's how you knoooowww!" Tobi sang skipping merrily, Zetsu hit the back of his head.

"Stop it Tobi!" He paused and looked at the oblivious redheaded girl spinning and dancing..."**She's pretty..."** Yeah..."Zetsu frowned for the first time ever he didn't want to eat somebody. Strange.

"Come on Zetsu-sama everybody else is singingggg!!" Zetsu sighed.

"What the hell..."** "THAT'S HOW YOU KNOOOOWWW!!"** "..."

----

Leader-sama paced up and down in the Akatsuki's main hall angrily "Late as usual..." He muttered angrily. Deidara sighed.

"I was on time.." He muttered resentfully, the Leader turned around and gave him a class 3 glare, Deidara shrank back.

"S-sorry Leader-sama I was very l-late..." He stammered, Leader smiled in satisfaction.

"Yes, yes you were." _'Deluded idiot'_ Deidara thought annoyed. Slowly the rest of the members filtered in, Deidara frowned when he saw Sasori and Itachi entered together _'Since when could Danna stand Tachi-kun?' ._

"I am very disappointed that you can't even get to a meeting on** time**." Leader started. "You all lack a great deal of discipline." He frowned. "But that is besides the point, I have been informed of a spy." He paused for effect, after 20 seconds Deidara gasped to appease the Leader, "Yes, thank you for your concern Deidara, anyway I have been informed of spy searching for our hideout, he is getting close so I am sending four of you out to search for him." Some groaned inwardly. "HEY! You're privileged to be in this organisation stop acting like sacks of potatoes!"

"Sorry Leader..." The S rank shinobi chorused, Leader raised an eyebrow expecting more. "Sorry Leader-_Sama_..."

"Yes very good, apology accepted, anyway I shall send out..." His eyes scanned the room. "Hmmmm...Hidan.."

"No. Fucking. Way...Leader-Sama" Hidan growled.

"Well why not!" Leader did not like to be opposed, Hidan better have a good reason.

"Well, I haven't got a body." Leader nodded, Hidan was infact bodiless at the precise moment, Kakuzu begrudgingly holding Hidan's head.

"Ah...I didn't notice, I am sorry. Kakuzu?"

"Yes Leader-Sama?"

"You stay here and fix Hidan hmm ah Tobi!" He pointed to Deidara.

"I'm not Tobi I'm Deidara." Deidara said shocked that he had mistaken for that masked idiot

"Yes of course of course I was testing you, Deidara you and..." He paused. "Kisame will go and look for the spy..." Deidara stared at him open mouthed, he didn't want to be on his own with Kisame unless the older man was tranquillised.

"He's not my partner." Kisame said coldly, no way was he going to be stuck with this brat.

"Yes I am not stupid!" Leader said angrily, "Itachi and Sasori will accompany you." Both Deidara and Kisame breathed a sigh of relief. "They will go west and you will go east." Deidara paled, Kisame turned green, Sasori rolled his eyes and Itachi did nothing.

----

"CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS!!" Deidara whined as he and Sasori waited for Itachi and Kisame.

"Yes." The shorter man whispered.

"Yeah, yeah BUT CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!!! I DON'T WANNA BE STUCK WITH KISAME!! HE'S AN IDIOT!!" Deidara stamped his foot on the ground for emphasis.

"Yes well I'm not peachy about being partnered with you Deidara." A low voice growled, Deidara turned around to see an angry Kisame gripping his sword.

"Danna….." He whimpered.

"Kisame stop messing around." Sasori looked behind the taller man to see an impassive Itachi. "Stop being an idiot so we can all set off." Sasori sighed as Deidara latched onto his arm like a limpet while Kisame glared daggers at him…it would be a long trip.

They had been walking through the forest for several hours now, Deidara still clutching Sasori's arm. '_Pathetic'_ Itachi thought bitterly.

"Ok here we are." Sasori said stopping in front of a large mossy boulder. "Itachi and I will go left and you Deidara, will go right. The mission should effectively take 3 days, after three days we meet back here, however if somebody finds the target first contact the others and we go back early." Deidara sniffed, he really did not want to go trekking through a forest with Kisame of all people….they'd have to share a tent, he shuddered.

"Danna?" Sasori turned around and looked at him.

"What Deidara." He said emotionlessly.

"Can I talk to you?" Sasori sighed and followed Deidara behind a tree.

"Right do you mmpphh" Deidara cut whatever Sasori said with a passionate kiss. While Sasori's subconscious screamed bloody murder, the two kissed fervently and for about three minutes forgetting where they were. Itachi looked over and spied the two, something about the sight of Sasori and Deidara embracing irked him. He wasn't sure what was wrong with him, he heard Sasori hiss,

"For god's sake Dei not now!"

"But…but danna…please don't leave me with him." Deidara pleaded, Sasori rolled his eyes and walked over to Itachi.

"We'll see you in three days." He said simply, then without a word the two silent members skulked off. Deidara gulped and looked up to Kisame.

"I guess we'll have to go look now?"

----

"THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!" Tobi blinked.

"Um the possessed girl's in her bed over there." Said possessed girl prompted sicked up some form of green slime all over a very pissed off Zetsu.

"That's it there are no pancakes here...and this is just _too _weird." **"We're leaving."** As the _'trio'_ yes trio there are TWO Zetsu's right? Anyway as the trio left the mother shrieked.

"IT'S JUST NERVES!!"

Anyways le fin for now?

WHAT WILL HAPPEN?!

WILL SHE RIP OFF BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN…maybe?!

DOES SHE OWN THE EXORCIST!?

NO!!!

REVIEW PLEAASSSEEE! OR NO UPDATES I mean it


	15. Chapter 15: The Tent

Update time!! Anyways I don't seem to be getting many reviews L this makes me sad…which makes my muse sad meaning I don't update, so yes please please please review.

I own nothing sadly I don't own Naruto if I did sasuxgaa would totally happen ; I also don't own the film Sweeney Todd . I probably don't own the plot as much as I wish but hell ain't nobody else writing a fic like this on so nyah

Chapter dedication: Heath Ledger…my first love L rest in peace take a moment of silence for him when you read this

"Not one man no more ten men or a hundred can assuage me…I WILL HAVE YOU!!" Sweeney looked up to the sky and swore a silent vow of revenge, he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Your song is hella cool." "Yeah it speaks to me" Sweeney frowned, one person but two voices?

"You sir? How about a shave?" He said darkly, Zetsu raised an eyebrow.

"No thank you." Hew said curtly "Do you know where we could get some pancakes?" Sweeney thought deeply the cogs in his twisting brain turning oh so slowly.

"Mrs Lovett's shop." He said gruffly, " 'Ave her meat pies, they are delicious." He grinned deviously as Zetsu walked off and began to sing. "AND MY LUCY LIES IN ASHES AND I'LL NEVER SEE MY GIRL AGAIN BUT THE WORLD WAITS!!! I'M ALIVE AT LAST! AND FULL OF JOY!!"

Zetsu groaned. "Jeez he has a nice voice but keep it to yourself for once." "What was with the Dr Frankenstein hair?" "I dunno do you know Tobi?…..Tobi?" Zetsu turned to see Tobi entering a very suspicious and dingy barbers shop….funny kind of shop….wait was that Todd fellow laughing?

-------

"How much longer?" Itachi grumbled. Sasori raised an eyebrow.

"I'm not sure yet." He murmured looked up at the night sky, like an inky stain, there were no stars out tonight just darkness. There was a pause and the two continued walking. Neither said anything for several hours, they just carried on walking, Sasori turned around quickly when he soft thump. Itachi was on the floor in what seemed to be an uncomfortable position Sasori raised a thin eyebrow as the younger man stiffly pulled himself up, he was obviously in quite a bit of pain. "Are you ok?" He said impassively, Itachi rolled his eyes.

"I'm fine, let's hurry up." He began to walk but was jerked back by chakra strings. He glared at the redhead. "What?" He snapped Sasori smirked and motioned to a what seemed very obvious tree root protruding from the ground.

"You can't see anything can you?" There was silence, Sasori sighed. "Can you?"

"It's dark." Itachi muttered defensively.

"It's not that dark." Sasori said smartly, "You can't see anything can you?" Itachi grit his teeth, he could see shapes, everything was blurry, the redhead was a blur in front of him, black cloak blending into the cold night air.

"I…it comes and goes." He said incomprehensibly, Sasori raised an eyebrow,

"So you're bli-"

"No!" Itachi cut him off, "I am not blind Sasori." The shapes were turning to blurs, to shadows, to nothing

Deidara shivered pulling his coat to him, they'd been walking in circles for hours now. Map reading as such was neither of the men's strong point and thus the two had promptly given up with the map Deidara claiming he had a good sense of direction, Kisame was kicking himself for trusting the other man.

"We've been walking for hours." Deidara whined.

"Well who's fault is that?" Kisame growled Deidara bristled.

"You weren't exactly helpful, it was your job to read the map and you got us lost!" Kisame snorted.

"And who said they had a good sense of direction? I thoroughly enjoyed the two hours of walking in circles," Deidara bit back a retort saying they'd been walking in circles since the beginning. "I really loved that long trek through the thorny bush because you had such a good feeling about that left turn!" There was a stony silence.

"I'm tired." Deidara said tersely, "I'm not walking any further." Kisame rolled his eyes.

"Fine we'll put up the tent here." Deidara's eye twitched.

"Did you say tent?" He said dangerously, Kisame raised his eyebrows.

"Yes, we'll put up the tent here." Deidara shook his head.

"You mean tents, we'll put the tents up here." He exhaled deeply. "When we left we had two tents Kisame where's the second tent?" Kisame repressed the urge to laugh at the blonde's clueless attitude.

"Sasori and Itachi took it Deidara." he threw the heavy bag he'd been carrying on his shoulder on the floor, it landed on the forest floor with a soft thud. "Put the tent up."

Sasori stared at the top of the tent blankly, his eyes wandered over to the younger man who lay beside him breathing softly black hair spread out on the pillow, Sasori frowned, he wished he could touch it, feel it, smell it. He stopped his hand in mid air, it shook slightly as Sasori forced it back to his side, he would never be able to touch in that way, he'd never feel it. He sighed wondering what was happening to him, Itachi shifted slightly in his sleep letting out an unintelligible mutter. He wouldn't wake up…would he? Sasori's hand slowly crept over to Itachi's sleeping form. Delicately long artistic fingers ran themselves through silkily black locks. He was imagining what it would be like to feel the strands beneath his fingers, he was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't notice black eyes flicker open.

"What lesson did we learn today Tobi?" Zetsu said tiredly, it had taken several hours to apprehend a certain Mr Todd and save Tobi. Tobi sighed and licked the remainder of meat juice off his hand.

"Not to trust the British?" He said hopefully, Zetsu shrugged.

"Meh close enough I guess."

C'est Fini

WHAT WILL HAPPEN?!

WILL DEIDARA PUT UP THE TENT?!

WILL ITACHI KILL SASORI?!

WHEN WILL THE FREAKING YAOI START?!

REVIEW PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

Please?


	16. Chapter 16: Unclean

Wow a quick update no? Anyway in this chapter I promise yaoi….but no lemon…maybe a lime but not a lemon sorry ; anyway I own nothing yada yada insert a funny if I owned Naruto joke… Spider-Plant-Man belongs to Mr Bean

Chapter dedication: black55widow for being so diligent and reviewing a lot I hope you enjoy this story

A note: any anti British jokes that may occur should be ignored I'm half British ( viva la London) you see therefore I'm allowed to make jokes. This disclaimer exists mainly because I hate the idea of reviews saying_ "omigawsh that is lyke soooooo rascisit braaapp" - not stupid 'I can't use spell check spelling'_ anyways rant over.

Enjoy my lovelies.

"Help!!" Tobi cried as the nefarious Doctor Octopus dangled him over the ledge of a generic skyscraper.

"This'll catch that annoying Spiderman." Doctor Octopus cackled.

**"Freeze Scum!!"** Doctor Octopus turned around to see some form of pot plant.

"You're not Spiderman!!" Doctor Octopus exclaimed, Zetsu rolled his eyes.

"Well duh." **"That tight wearing moron ended up in our stomach hours ago along with his whiney girlfriend."** Doctor Octopus stared at him wordlessly.

"What..what are you?" He stuttered.

"I'm Spider-Plant-Man now let Tobi go!" **"Don't make me eat you."** He growled.

"Heeeelllppp!!" Tobi screamed Spider-Plant-Man save me!!!"

Instantly Sasori hand jumped back to his side as if it were recoiling from a snake. Itachi's body jerked up. "What the fuck are you doing?" He growled, Sasori inhaled trying to compose himself, he smirked.

"Ah so you can see again." He said simply, Itachi glared at him.

"What the fuck were you doing? You sick freak, you're not even human." A flicker of hurt flashed across the older man's face.

" I don't see why that was necessary Itachi." He said curtly, "Now shut up and go to sleep." Itachi clenched his fists.

"What so you can touch me while I sleep…do you get some kind of kick out of it? Do you pretend that you can feel? Do you imagine what it's like to feel me, what's it like to fu-" Sasori cut him off with a slap across the face.

"Don't you dare say that kid." He snarled, Itachi smirked slightly, he'd touched a nerve. "Don't pretend to understand things you can't even comprehend, you don't know anything about my situation so get off your high horse and fucking go to sleep." There was pause.

"Does Deidara know?" He was still pushing it? Why did he care so much. "Does your precious Deidara know that he can't give Sasori what he wants? That he'll never be enough for his danna?" Sasori glared at the younger man, that was it he'd had enough. He leaned in close to Itachi so his hot breath tickled the dark haired man's neck.

"Does Kisame know that when he fucks you it's my face you see, it's me you think about?" Itachi stiffened and pushed the older man away. "I know it's true Itachi, Deidara told me." He smirked. Itachi looked down.

"Did he now?" He whispered quietly, he felt two smooth fingers under his chin forcing his face up. Dark eyes met wine coloured ones,

"He did Itachi," Sasori murmured, "it's funny that you mentioned Deidara Itachi." He smirked sardonically, "What's funnier is that you were right," He paused. "he can never give me what I want." He paused. "But maybe you can." And with that he pulled Itachi into a smouldering kiss. Itachi sat their in stunned shock, a little thrilled but nevertheless completely shocked. He felt a tongue push against his lips, almost automatically he opened his mouth allowing Sasori to invade his mouth. Itachi's breath hitched, he felt so alive something he'd never felt with Kisame, or anyone else for that matter. Realising what he'd wanted all along he began to kiss back hungrily running his thin hands through shaggy red locks moaning now and then as their tongues met. He felt a hand massage his thigh, he pulled away and stared into Sasori's eyes intensely. "You have Deidara." He said simply, Sasori shrugged.

"You have Kisame." He responded.

"I don't want Kisame." Itachi said plainly, "And you don't want Deidara." And with that he pulled Sasori into yet another searing kiss.

_He'd been running for so long and so fast that he felt the bile come up his throat and automatically he fell to his knees vomit rushing up his throat and staining the dusty road. 'There's nowehere to go...' he though panicking, his body shook with nerves as he forced his tired body up, he coughed and as he prepared to run yet again he felt an unwelcome hand on his shoulder._

_"You're not going anywhere...". A large calloused and pulled him up by his skinny arm and threw him against a wall. He whimpered praying for something to happen anything to stop this from happening. "Don't be pathetic." The older man growled slapping him hard around the face, blood spurted out of the younger boy's nose and he bit his lip while desperately trying to blink back the hot tears that were threatening to fall. "I'm going to teach you a lesson." The older man said gruffly gripping his shoulder tightly while running a hand up his thin leg. "You're enjoying this you filthy little whore." His grip on his shoulder tightened. "What are you he growled, the boy said nothing, the older man growled and kneed the younger boy in the stomach. "I said what are you?" He said in an threatening voice._

_"A-a- a filthy whore…" The younger boy sobbed._

_"Say it again." The older man demanded._

_"I'm a filthy whore." He snivelled tears streaming down his face_.

Deidara sat up shaking, he stumbled out of the head holding his head the words _**unclean unclean**_ echoing in his head, frantically he clawed at his skin as if trying to scrub invisible blood of his skin '_**you filthy whore'**_. His body shook with silent tears. As he shuddered violently he fell to his knees and allowed the bile to force itself up his throat.** _Unclean, unclean, unclean, unclean, unclean_**. "You filthy whore." He whispered. _**'Unclean'**_.

"Spider-Plant-Man!" The crowd cheered as Zetsu and Tobi walked through the city.

"Spider-Plant-Man can I have a photo with you?"

"Spider-Plant-Man can I have your autograph?"

"Spider-Plant-Man be New York's new superhero?"

"Spider-Plant-Man have my babies!!"

Le fin for now.

THE YAOI STARTED?! YES IT DID!!

OMGAWSH POOR DEIDARA?! YES I THINK SO!!

REVIEW?! YES YOU SHOULD!!

reviews make me smile


	17. Chapter 17: A glint of sadism

Hello peeps an update on Easter Sunday? le gasp thanks to all who favourited this story but please please please gets down on knees review it as well. Anywho I own nothing, I kind have own the plot...but that's not made certain yet

a word I have two ending planned out vote for which one there is sad but bittersweet or just plain sad, vote please

chapter dedication: Educatingretard

"THIS IS SPARTA!!" Zetsu raised an eyebrow as a globule of spit landed on his head.

"That's lovely your Majesty but the Persian dude is over there." He pointed to a haughty looking messenger. **"By the way how about NOT shouting in people's ears."** "Yes a slightly raised voice is assertive enough." Zetsu said curtly. King Leonidas looked at the strange being confusedly. There was a long pause.

"THIS IS SPARTA!!"

**"Wow...real mature."**

-Back to the real story-

The night felt like a dream to Itachi, staring up at the ceiling of the tent he sighed and rolled over to meet Sasori's eyes. He had to admit he felt slightly unnerved at the older man's constant stare but he tried to ignore the dark wine coloured eyes boring into his own as if the redhead were trying to read his mind. He broke away from Sasori's intense stare shaking this dreamlike state away from himself trying to readjust to reality. He gulped. There was silence. There always was with Akasuna no Sasori. But Uchiha Itachi wouldn't lie. There was a constant silence with himself also, but it felt odd, there was no voice breaking the silence apart no incessant, unbearable chundering voice interrupting his thoughts. Just silence, a tense silence. They had crossed an unspoken boundary that night they had touched each other in ways Itachi had not thought possible, he had screamed the older man's name to the heavens, something he'd never done, he'd never had that much passion in his voice, never, not once. He shivered slightly.

"Put some clothes on." There it was, the soft, whispering voice breaking the silence, he turned to Sasori who was propping himself up on his slender, childlike elbows the ever present slight smirk on his face. "You must be cold Itachi, put some clothes on." Itachi looked at the older man impassively eyes raking up the slender, smooth, perfectly crafted body, he was different from the epitome of 'macho' glory Kisame. His partner was all muscle, tall and broad, Sasori was short and skinny he had an almost feminine body, there was something about Sasori's androgyny that quickened Itachi's heartbeat, made small drops of sweat run down his neck. Sasori threw Itachi his cloak. Itachi raised an eyebrow as it hit him unceremoniously in the face.

"Watch your aim Akasuna, it needs some practice." He smirked slightly, Sasori growled angry and grabbed Itachi by the side of his face. Itachi shivered as he felt hot breath in his ear.

"Say one more thing about my aim and you'll be sorry." Long fingers traced the sides of Itachi's oval face, Sasori smirked a glint of sadism in his eyes.

He'd spent the night in a wood, outside on the leafy dirty floor. Deidara groaned and pulled his aching body up. He marched up the tent angrily, pulling the door open. He looked at a snoring Kisame, Deidara clenched his fists and shook with anger, why should this creature get to sleep in the tent? He'd spent the night the god forsaken forest, Deidara sniffed haughtily, Lord knows how many germs he'd have contracted.

"Get up." He hissed hatred dripping from his voice. There was nothing the older man didn't even stir but continued to breath loudly. Deidara looked at him disgustedly. "Get up." He said slightly louder his voice lower. Still nothing. He marched into the tent making sure his muddy feet spent a little too long treading on Kisame's cloak. He bent down to the sleeping form his mouth right next to his 'partner's' ear, he inhaled deeply. "GET UP!!" He screamed, instantly Kisame sat up fist ready, punching the smaller man out of the tent.

"YOU LITTLE BITCH GET BACK HERE!! " He roared, running out the tent. Deidara stared at him defiantly.

"I tried to wake you up." He said simply. "But you just weren't having it. Now I shut up unless you want to give our position away." Kisame stared at the younger man wordlessly.

"Never ever pull a stunt like that again, or 'righty and lefty-san'," He said in a harsh squeaky impression of Deidara, "will regret it." He marched into the tent angrily. Deidara smirked, he'd won.

Sasori hated missions that involved merely 'searching' for something, it seemed so trivial, so dull. There was very little skill to it. Itachi on the other hand thought there was a great deal of mastery to it, you had to plot where your target would be, put yourself in a mindset, maybe Sasori was a little bit too detached to understand that.

"GATHER YOU BASTARDS I WANT TO HOLD A MEETING!!" The remaining members of the Akatsuki trudged into the kitchen. The Leader raised an eyebrow.

"WHERE ARE THE REST OF YOU LAY ABOUTS?!" he 'said' to a bodiless Hidan who was still being carried around by a grumpy Kakuzu.

"They were sent on a mission to capture a spy. "Hidan said impatiently, he'd almost convinced Kakuzu to sew his head back on and now The Leader just had to blow his chances.

"What? What? What? I want some actual help around here and what do I have!? I'm stuck with the frigging zombie twins!!" Kakuzu sighed, this would be one hell of a long meeting.

Zetsu burped, **"I don't feel well."** He groaned.

"Well you have just eaten the entire Persian army and that Xerxes did have A LOT of piercing." Tobi said helpfully. Zetsu groaned as his stomach grumbled.

"Don't be ridiculous Tob-" And with that Zetsu coughed up several gold chains. **"Damn it."**

LE FIN

WHAT WILL HAPPEN?!

YAOI!!

YAOI!!

REVIEW RHYMES WITH YOU! SO REVIEW AND I'LL UPDATE, OKIES? good


	18. Chapter 18: Witty Banter

It's been a while hasn't it? I am not following any plot to the actual manga which I stopped reading due to time problems (exams) Anywho I own NOTHING apart from a migraine, writer's block and a head of hair. I hope this chapter is vaguely successful, it's a long time since I've written this so if it's not great sorry  I hope you guys get the Charlie reference .com/watch?v=14bWsaNi9Ss&NR=1 - don't own this either

Chapter dedication: SecretAgentBob

"How did we end up here?" A starfish floated past Zetsu claiming that "I REALLY LOVE YOU!"

"The sea creatures love us!" Tobi said happily singing along with the floating goat.

"No they don't." "They're creepy as hell."

"HE'S ADORABLE!!"

"I WANNA BE WITH YOU FOREVER!"

"I hate starfish." "Me too."

Deidara yawned and leaned over the side of his bird. He smirked as he watched Kisame walk underneath him. 'Just the way it should be' he though smugly. There was still no sign of anybody spy or Danna.

"This is so boring." He huffed picking his fingernails. He looked down again. Wait..where was Kisame?"Oh crap! I've lost him." He snapped, he momentarily panicked before realising that really he didn't need Kisame to carry out a successful mission. He sat on his bird now and then glancing over the side humming to himself, perhaps he wasn't paying enough attention to the mission but on the plus side he was relaxing. His thoughts trailed off to his Danna, he began to wonder what his Danna was doing, perhaps he was in his puppet. Deidara shuddered, no matter how many times he saw it he was still creeped out. 'Art lasts forever' He giggled, that thing was not art, in no possible world could it be. "Silly Danna." He giggled, he frowned slightly as he saw a shinobi crouched on the floor squinting at the map. "That must be the spy!" He thought excitedly. Finally he'd do something of use. He grinned. "Awesome." He flew towards the shinobi quickly creating a clay spider. When he'd finished he leant over once more, this was definitely a spy…from the…he squinted he couldn't tell but he was scouting the land and from what he could see had several notes on the Akatsuki. "You're mine." He whispered excitedly. He giggled as threw the spider down. He stared at the man. "Art is bang!" He yelled as the explosion shook the ground.

Sasori groaned as he felt the ground beneath him shake, this would be damaging for his puppet. He opened the lid, Itachi had his sharingun evidently looking for the culprit.

"That will be Deidara." Sasori said blandly climbing back in his puppet.

"You're going in there again?" He said incredulously.

"It's more quiet in here." Sasori's voice had become far deeper, grave.

"Oh because I'm so noisy." Itachi said sarcastically.

"Deidara will be here soon." Sasori sighed. "He is loud and I don't want to hear him in excited mode." He paused. "Is that understandable." Itachi nodded.

"Yes." Sasori was silent moving along next to Itachi.

"Sasori?" Itachi attempted to fill the silence, for once he'd like some conversation.

"Yes?" The low voice grumbled.

"Is it better…not being able to feel?" There was a pause as Sasori appeared to think the question over.

"Yes, it's less distracting."

"Isn't there less incentive to do things?" Itachi said frowning.

"You'd think so but no. I don't worry, I don't feel sympathy, I would love to exact revenge on perhaps Suna, but only because it is a goal." Sasori nodded inside his puppet. "It is a goal but I would not feel anything, not guilt or triumph." There was a pause.

"What a miserable existence." Itachi said gruffly. Sasori laughed.

"You are young, you will not understand for years to come. Feelings make you vulnerable, perhaps if I'd been given the choice to have immortality and feelings I would have picked both…but I am glad I did not. To feel would be to have a life of regret…misery for those who I would lose as they died. I don't have that now, I will live on while all around me die and I won't care." He smiled sadly. "It's easier that way." Itachi smirked.

"Deep thoughts for a child." Sasori laughed sardonically.

"My appearance usually fools people. I look good for my age no?"

"In that puppet you look monstrous."

"Why thank you." Sasori said mordantly. "It's not built for style but for endurance. You're too shallow Uchiha." He said nonchalantly.

"Coming from the man who obviously loves the fact he shall be forever young."

"My you're far wittier than I imagined, I always thought you were a monosyllabic teenager." Sasori said stopping and climbing out of his puppet.

"Ah you're gracing me with your presence." Sasori shrugged.

"I wanted to work on my tan." He said sarcastically.

"When dumb and dumber come you're going back in that thing aren't you?" Sasori shrugged again.

"Probably, it's easier for me. You're going to be silent again aren't you?" Itachi nodded.

"Probably." There was a loud crash. Sasori instantly climbed in his puppet.

"Did you need to blow those trees up?" He said sternly as Deidara jumped down from his now blown up bird.

"Danna don't begrudge me one little explosion I caught the spy."

"Yes and then decided to blow him up ." Itachi deadpanned. "Now we can't question him." Deidara looked down.

"Whoops." He grinned. "Still did more than you two." He frowned at Itachi. "You must have slowed Danna down, he's more than capable of catching a spy." Deidara puffed his chest out proudly. "You'll reward me right Danna?" He said raising his eyebrows.

"Don't flirt with me while I'm in here." Sasori said annoyed. "It's vile." He looked at Itachi who was saying nothing. 'He's jealous' he thought gleefully…wait why did he care whether Itachi was jealous? He huffed. "Let's go then." He said mundanely. Suddenly he felt the puppet creak. "Deidara get off the puppet." He growled. When Deidara didn't move he moved his hand ever so slightly causing Deidara to be pulled off. "Get on again and I'll I drag you through the dirt home!" Deidara whimpered. "Now say sorry." Sasori said sternly.

"Sorry." Deidara said grudgingly.

"Good boy." Itachi smirked slightly.

"You have him well trained." He said quietly, Deidara glared at him murderously.

"Shut up!" He whined. His eyes suddenly widened. "Ah hello Kisame." He stuttered at the mud covered Akatsuki member.

"Fuck you." Kisame hissed.

"Right we've established that sea creatures don't love you." Tobi rubbed his jellyfish sting.

"But they love us."

"No they don't." "Especially jellyfishes." The starfish however really, really loved them.

Hope you enjoyed


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